Guilt by Association
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IMDB rating: 6.50 Plot: Life is good for Susan, her two children and new boyfriend Russell. But life abruptly changes when she discovers her perfect boyfriend is a drug dealer. Realising the danger this could bring to her family she tells him to leave. Suddenly her house is raided and Susan is arrested as a co-conspirator in Russell’s drug business. Her situation goes from bad to worse when she finds herself behind bars with violent criminals. How will she ever prove her innocence when the system seems against her? Guilty By Association is a disturbing story based on true events |
Actors: Carter Alex,Blumas Trevor,Magder Daniel,Drama,
How do I say no without guilt?
It’s the day after Christmas, and I have been looking forward to it for a long time. Since summer, really. I have a very time-consuming job, I coach or have coached six sports teams since early September, and I also volunteer for many other clubs and associations when they need help for whatever. I have had some "event" on every day since summer, except for maybe a few (not exaggerating), and today I just wanted to sit in my big comfy chair and do nothing. I have about 40 hours of TV shows DVR’ed, so the plan was to have some coffee, watch tv, and do nothing.
Well, it is only 2:50pm and I have been asked to attend three events since this morning. One surprise party, a sports event, and an event where my kids would play with other kids.
I’ve said no to all of them, but I feel terrible guilt. In fact, i am sitting here wondering if I have offended each of those people, and how I can make it up to them. The people asking made me feel guilty, too, by doing the "awwww…pleeeeaaase" routine.
How do I just say no and feel good about giving myself the gift of one free day? Or, should I be a jerk so that no one will bother me anymore?
PS - My wife and kids have been answering the phone, I have not. They have strict orders not to pick it up anymore.
It sounds like you are a people pleaser. I’m not saying that in an ugly way at all, it’s just a label for a certain kind of personality. You want to make other people happy, and that has come at the expense of your own personal "me time". It’s great that you want to do what you can to make other people happy, but you have to draw a line. If you aren’t able to rest and make yourself happy, how can you expect to be helpful to anyone else?
It sounds like your life is extremely hectic, and I think you would benefit from cutting out some of the excess and limiting yourself to only the activities that mean most to you. It seems like so many activities would wear a person down. Do you feel worn down from doing so much all the time? Wouldn’t you like to have more than just one day a YEAR to sit back, relax, and enjoy spending time by yourself?
You’ve coached six sports teams in the past 3 months. Do they really need you to coach all of those teams? Could you get away with just coaching the teams your kids are on, or ONE team that each kid is on, and ditch the rest? They won’t shrivel up and die, they’ll find someone to replace you, and you will get to spend more quality time and attention towards the ones you’ve decided to stay with.
While some people thrive from really active, fast-paced lifestyles, it tends to wear down on even the best of us. You deserve more than one day a year to relax, and other people can’t make you feel bad about that. I’m sure you are a very fun, devoted father - judging by how involved you are in everyone’s activities, how could you not be? - and that’s why people always want you to be at their activities. But you have to do something for yourself, take time for yourself, and that has to come first some days.
I’m not saying to stop doing EVERYTHING, but just cut out some of the superfluous things that you don’t really need to do. Let your wife take the kids on play dates, or just drop them off and go pick them up later. There’s no reason you have to be there every single time those people want your kids to get together - if you want to socialize then that’s fine, but if they just want you there to socialize with and you would rather be doing something quiet and relaxing, then tell them, "I’m sorry but I can’t stay, I’m really busy this afternoon." It’s not a lie, you are busy - busy taking care of yourself for once!
Don’t be a jerk about it, but just let people know that you can’t keep up with all of your commitments. There is no shame in that, it takes a lot of nerve to accept that you have taken on too much and you are suffering because of it. Make two lists - one of things that mean the most to you, and one of activities you just participate in because other people want you to. If you aren’t getting some serious satisfaction out of it, then let it go. Find a balance between activities and down time at home. You may be surprised by how much more fulfilling having some extra free time is.
Good luck!
Kate | Dec 26, 2009
I don’t think that you need to feel guilt. If you are normally a busy person, then vacation is "your" time and the last thing you’d like to do is attend more obligatory events.
Remember that you normally put forth effort to attend to these events.
People will forget and the issues will move on.
Jessica | Dec 26, 2009
I completely understand where you’re coming from… We have 6 children, I work full-time, my husband works full-time, we coach sports teams, etc. And it can get to be too much. It’s important to remember that we have to put ourselves first sometimes. We need time to recharge, to vegetate, to just zone-out… When you get those "awwwww…..pleeeeaaaase" comments, simply tell them that you are flattered that they wanted to include you but you are exhausted and really just need some down time. If they are truly friends, they’ll realize that they’re being selfish by pushing you. Enjoy your day! :0) Best wishes!!!
Texas RN | Dec 26, 2009
How do you say no? Just say it. Everyone is entitled to a "free day" as you put it. It’s your day, so spend the day as you wish. Tell yourself that you deserve a day for yourself & once you truly believe it, you’ll enjoy yourself, guilt free. People will stop making you feel guilty only when "you" stop allowing them to. Don’t allow the "awwwww pleeeeeease" routine to get to you from this day forward. It’s worked in the past, so leave it in the past. Relax in your big comfy chair & enjoy your DVDs. You deserve it, especially with the work load you have. ~Happy New Year~
Shortstuff13 | Dec 26, 2009
clearly you need time for yourself. don’t feel you have to attend these functions, they are voluntary.
have a good rest and enjoy your tv.
rinkydink | Dec 26, 2009
you deserve a day off! if they beg you to attend simply appologize and say you already have plans. they don’t need details. you’ve planned this for a while and should have every right to enjoy it, guilt free!
Mabes | Dec 27, 2009
Nathan Gomez